It has been a long, slow process, but we're just about ready to be wait listed again!! After Charles lost his job this summer (and then found a new one in the fall), we were frozen right at the number we were at - #53. Before we could continue on, we had to update our paperwork and complete a new home study. For this paperwork-challenged, busy mama of four, that was no small feat. It literally felt like a towering mountain of clearances, medical records, fingerprint appointments, and financial statements were standing before us. Some days I felt defeated just THINKING about all that had to be done to bring us to where we are today.
But here we stand.
Home study written up.
Ready for the next step in our adoption journey.
And what is that you ask??
Currently, we are waiting for re-approval to continue moving down the wait list. Last week we had our dreaded home visit (again). Momentarily, it looked like perhaps things would end right there. We ran into a couple obstacles THAT MORNING regarding immigration expiration, followed by child abuse and criminal clearance expirations. The threat of having to start all over at the very beginning of this entire, crazy process loomed in front of us. And literally....the thought of THAT.....of having to start all over again.....made me cry. I literally shed tears of frustration, sadness, panic, and fear. GOD!! WHERE ARE YOU?? HAVEN'T WE DONE WHAT YOU ASKED OF US?
But as history proves, He is not a God who backs down from obstacles. He doesn't shy away from mountains that may rise up in our path. Instead, He many times uses those very obstacles to bring Himself maximum glory. And so, as we prayed.....as we begged.....just like those Israelites did......for God not to bring us out into the wilderness just to allow us to be boxed in by the Red Sea on one side and the Egyptian army on the other.....God moved. Providentially again. Not with the miraculous hand that we had witnessed last year, but in the steady, seemingly-coincidental hand of providence.
And we were humbled. And ashamed. That again, we had doubted. And again, He had made a way.
I just spent the last couple hours reading over our old adoption posts from the last two years. Minuscule and monumental roadblocks alike that God had hurdled over. Left me in awe of Him all over again. And so tonight I praise Him for this journey. This crazy journey that He has had us on for over two years now. This journey that I had thought would be over by now (surely, right??). And yet I know God is in control. I know that in ALL things He is working together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose...even when times are tough and things don't seem to make sense. Even when God shows you things that you don't think will ever come to pass. Even though you wait...and wait some more.
And I wonder....is this a small glimpse of what it was like for Sarah? For David? For the Jews anxiously awaiting their Messiah? Promises and callings that took what may have seemed a lifetime to see the fruit of. Yet in some strange way, knowing what I know about how THEIR stories end, it brings me some solace as I stand in a place of waiting myself.
He is God, and He is still on His throne. No matter how our story ends. Nothing is out from under His divine control. The wait. The struggle. The ups. The downs. All of it. All for His glory as He weaves our story into His master plan.
So wait we do. Yet as we wait, we set our eyes on the One who is not limited by timeframes and immigration expiration dates. The One who is above all things. And we thank Him that we can confidently say, we are almost there!!!